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Why you shouldn't offer your clients a tissue

  • Writer: Bellamy Linneman
    Bellamy Linneman
  • Apr 30, 2023
  • 2 min read

Sometimes it *is* that deep


This may sound a little extreme, but bear with me...


Three tissue boxes in a row. The left is red, the middle is green, and the right is blue. Each box says "tissue" and has a white tissue sticking out of the top

Picture this

You and your client are in the room. They're talking, you're doing your therapist thing, and they start to cry.


What's your first reaction? Is it to hand them the tissue box? If so, you're not alone!


The function of tissue-offering

The funny thing about being a therapist that no one tells you about is how aware we are of what we do during sessions. Who enters the room first? Do I start talking or do I wait for my client to start? If I cross my arms, will they think I'm being closed off? The list goes on and on.


Though we are often acutely aware of how we show up in the counseling space, something seemingly as simple as offering a tissue may go completely unexamined.


There are a number of reasons that folks may offer a tissue, and none of them make you a bad therapist, such as:

  1. It's the normal cultural response to someone crying

  2. Offering a tissue shows that you care

  3. You like it when people offer you a tissue when you cry

These are all great reasons!


BUT...


What you're actually saying when you offer a tissue

When you offer your clients a tissue, you may be saying all of the aforementioned things. But you may also be saying some things unintentionally.


Many people offer tissues because crying makes them feel uncomfortable.

Or because they want to take away the person's pain.


Handing someone a tissue may interrupt their processing, especially for those who take a long time to access that vulnerability. It may signal to them that they aren't allowed to cry during the session. It may reinforce the notion that they need to be rescued.


How would it feel to sit with a client without trying to comfort them? What do you notice in your body when you think about it? What thoughts and feelings come up for you?


This shit is not bananas

To an outsider, this probably seems bananas, but I can promise you, it's not! It's important to remember the power we hold in the counseling space, regardless of which side we fall on.


Everything you do has meaning, so act with intention.

Would you offer your clients a tissue? Let me know in the comments!

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